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Just Cut The Grass Please!

Male Verses Female Roles

What constitutes the roles of a male verses those of a female? Did we just make this stuff up as we’ve gone along? Do they vary among various social groups, cultures, races or religions? Is a man opening the door for a woman, just an example of a down south value? Just how deep are the influences of the traits acted out by worshiped icons in the media such as music and reality television? Is there any correct answer? Where is a rule book?

What I’m trying to figure out is, how did we get to THIS? The “This” I am referring to is the rapid growth and out right publicly acted out justifications of downright disrespect and outweighed disregard of the duties that have been given to us from our creator himself. Now let me say this, if you don’t believe in God the father and Jesus, his son, you may not want to hear this. Also, if you indeed know without a doubt what your role is and carry out the duties accordingly, I’m not talking to you. For the rest of you, to whom the opposite applies, this is JUST FOR YOU, and you will ultimately tell it on yourself with your defensive comments, but I don’t mind, let’s get the juices flowing. Oh, yes and anyone who is angered by the examples I use have only become bothered because, the truth hurts, so let’s grow from this, because I would hate to reveal your name (and I will). Now let’s get to my point……

I would say I was influenced by a village of people during child hood from my biological mother, step father, 3 grandmothers, my daddy, my church family at The United House of Prayer For All People (UHOP), Christ Gospel (holiness church) to even the additions of my mothers’ boyfriends after divorce, 3 out of 6 brothers, 2 out of 7 grandfathers, 2 out of 8 Uncles and 2 great aunts. Point, it is important who you let impart into your children’s’ childhood. I am a single mother raising three beautiful female gifts from God. One thing I vow to teach them among so many other things is to NEVER except the worthless crap people in general will try to hand to you. I’ve seen a lot, I can definitely say that I have truly experienced LIFE! The information that I gathered from the pool of childhood influences have varied for many reasons but I’m definitely smart enough to know that the mess that I’m seeing now is JUST NOT RIGHT! I know that we have forgone the structures of the 1940’s-60’s. Personally, I still favor the old-school way of things. You know, when men used to open doors, pull out chairs, and walk on the outside of the side walk to catch the puddle of water from oncoming traffic. I smile at the thought of a man taking out the trash, washing the cars and cutting the grass. At the same time, I take pride in cooking a tasty dinner, staying on top of the grocery list and making sure my family have clean clothes to wear daily. Its seems to me that these days, the roles that I just barely grazed over have been switched, compromised, forced, straight up ignored or come with a motive of personal gain. I hate it! What has happened to us? Ladies, you are not an Atlanta house wife! I don’t care if you live in Atlanta. Men, you are not Snoop Dogg, Jody (from baby boy) or Slim shady. I’m not sure exactly where the bulk of the backwards influences stem from but we all have our own individual brains. Don’t be a puppet!

In the beginning there was man, right. However, he was lonely. With all the power that was given to him to name the animals and rule over the land, he was not content until….he was given a soulmate, a helper, a companion a WOMAN (Genesis 2:20-24). The man was given the duty, the responsibility to provide, protect and aid in provision. Question? Where was MAN, when the devil had gotten in her ear about the forbidden fruit? I’m just saying, I know men today that manage to keep up with all his hoes, crackheads and every scratch on his car. I guess it just depends on what’s important to him, right? Just with anything, you never get something from nothing. I remember my step father always telling my mom that she needed to be submissive (Ephesians 5:22-33). Submissive means to be inclined or ready to submit or yield to the authority of another; unresistingly or humbly obedient. It has more to do with respect of the leader than anything we chose to add. We are submissive to God, however he isn’t cruel to us (1 Corinthians 11:10), never giving us more than we can bear. Let’s not forget the full order of operations. A woman shall submit to a man whom submits to the lord. I’m sorry, but I cannot follow you, if I don’t know where in the hell you’re going. Don’t let me get started on the ones don’t take care of their kids (1 Timothy 5:8)! On a positive note, as far as my step dad, I can say that I do give him a lot of credit for being a dedicated and sole provider to the household, my mother never did anything that could break a nail. However as a Woman, that is fortunate enough to gain a husband whom prides himself in providing, are you showing full support, or are you just reaping the benefits and writing checks? Marriage is a business partnership. A team effort. This selfish way of living is killing us although we try to blame it on another race (that’s an entire different subject I will attack in a future blog). If our unions are weak, we are targets for attack. In the bible, in most cases, whom tended to the cattle and land? Who hunted for dinner, who cooked it? Who cared for the children and made the clothes? Even moving forward, who was called to war? Who held down the house and kids while the men were away? Yes indeed roles have evened out more than they were, but they shouldn’t be completely phased out. There is nothing new under the sun, why do we insist on changing what is already good? (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

I aim to never make generalizations, because I am smart enough to know that everyone is NOT the same. I can only speak for the things that I have experienced. Overall I am DISGUSTED!!!! I am approached daily by all kinds of men, thugs, holier than thou types, Cat-Daddies, Mommas Boys, the ones with 8 baby mommas, the “I’m rich/famous (or think they are) so that gives me a pass to act a fool” types, The “I’m fine and I know it” types, The “I’m too good to get my hands dirty types, the “I like my cake, ice-cream, sprinkles and you too” types, the “I’m going to use you until I come out of the closet” ones, to the “I hold it down in the sheets so I pay bills with my physic” types. Well I’m still single and this is why. Call me crazy, but I just can’t wrap my mind around a man that can sit back and watch my daughter walk pass him to take out the trash. I have a problem with you standing on the porch sweating in the hot sun watching my daughter cut the grass and then feed me a bold face lie as justification for your actions. I do not understand why you are confused when you ask me why I won’t go out with you after you watched me cut the grass as you leaned against the car smoking your black and mild with your chest poked out because you cranked it up. I think it’s pretty cocky of you to go and sit your big ass down and not help the women off the stage or help the men pull down the podium for the dancers to minister. When a women tells you that she doesn’t want your money, because she rather you handle business like a man and you pout for a week like a little girl, I can only refer to you as a word that starts with a B! You must be on drugs to blow up my phone all day and night, but when you saw me hanging from a tree trying to get a switch (my baby was showing out) and you conveniently pretended that you didn’t see me, so you wouldn’t have to help. Yes, I saw you see me, God forbid you break a sweat. You come by to pick me up for a date, and the grass is as tall as my toddler, you do lawn care, but it’s not an issue to you, I’m not sorry that your phone calls repeatedly go straight to voice mail. I can never respect a man who feels justified in blocking a female from social media sites because they feel salty about being checked about being the man you always brag and claim to be. One dude looked at my tires, noticed that they were bald, told me about it, knew that I couldn’t afford new ones, bragged to me (1 Corinthians 1:28-29(oooh killem) about the money he’d spent on some B.S. and then proceeded to ask me could he come see me that night. One question? Have you lost your mind? Is your momma a wolf? Well, who raised you, Business man, Christian man, Teacher man? I want a real man. You have on work clothes? Take that shirt off. Did you just walk pass that trash sitting by the front door? Oh no, your hands might get dirty, I have soap, a gallon of it. What else you got? How about, you suck, how about that?

My daddy along with two of my brothers most of the time, handled everything for me from trash, light bulbs, brakes, mice, and GRASS. I’ve watched my dad hold the couch up with one arm and vacuum under it with the other. If I needed something and he didn’t have it, he went to go get it. He never allowed me to open a door, lift a bag, or pull out a chair in his presence. My brothers mimicked him, and yes they are FAR from perfect but they knew how to make a woman feel like a woman. My grandmother raised 4 boys including my father as a single parent, so what’s the excuse? My uncles are some of the most successful and respectful men I have ever met. I can’t accept any less, or at least not for long. So what do we do? Are we too far gone for change? Is it that the men just refuse to cater to the women whom don’t respect themselves? The ones that buy outfits for the club before they pay the rent. Well what about the ones that do, like me? Is it because of my un-fulfillment of the ulterior motive? Can I not receive anything from you until we sleep together? Do I still owe you a sexual favor for the dinner last week, so caring about my grass, and trash out of the question? Come on fellas! What happened to the courting period? Wait, I’m sorry, does everyone know what courting is? Probably not, is that the problem? Why is giving these days like pulling teeth? It’s funny to me that so many wonder why they continue to struggle, financially, physically, psychologically and socially. My grandmother is 94 years old. She’s lived in the same house for as far back as I can remember, she should never have to worry about something as minor as whom will cut the grass. First of all, she has more than a few able grandsons. Her 4 sons are out of town and have for a while scheduled and paid to have it cut, but before they knew there was a problem, there never should have been one. When I visit her, for maybe even an hour, I could count about 10-20 young black males that walk pass her house, not counting any cars. If you don’t see the problem, I shall pray for you tonight. Men complain that woman are gold diggers, but it ain’t tricking if you got it. Stop lying and bragging about what you have to offer and then get upset when we expected it. Is it that your mad because you indeed don’t have it? You aren’t being blessed, because you don’t serve not to mention you have done absolutely NOTHING with the power your maker created you with, but you want more? It doesn’t even bother you to walk past a 94 year old woman’s house whose grass is in need of cutting on your way to get to some no good heffas house to make another baby that you can’t afford, followed by an excuse that you can’t find a job to why you robbed the corner store. Get out of my face. We are messed up. Let me break something down to these types real quick. In the bible, there were similarities in the men the Lord used. First of all, they were NOT perfect, some not smart or anything MAN would deem SPECIAL because he loves to use the simple who were not easily influenced by the ways of the world because they were more easily molded into being what was in his will. When each of them were called, they were all found, wait for it….. WORKING! Moses was tending the flock, Peter and Andrew were fishing, David was tending the sheep, and even Matthew was sitting at the tax collector's booth. While WORKING/SERVING they received invitations, followed by the yielding to their work to obey, which ended in being used/blessed. So, what’s your excuse? (Luke 14:18-20) The Lord pulls from those in the streets alleys and country lanes to give opportunity to those whom are poor, crippled, blind and lame to lead people and to become fishers of men (Matthew 4:19). So what you have a felony, bad credit and 7 baby mommas. Jesus eats with sinners and he said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick”. “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair (2 Corinthians 4:8)”. However, he also said “Not one of those who were invited will get a taste of my banquet (Luke 14:24)”. Invitations rarely come to those doing nothing, and you can’t enjoy the feast if you pass up the invitation. Roll up those sleeves!

What are women dealing with this damaged batch of men to do? (Raises hand) Pick me! “Take care of things ourselves for 100 Alex!” No wait, now “I’m too independent”, “I think I’m a man”, “I don’t know how to be submissive”, or “I don’t know how to be a wife”. Wrong, believe me, I cannot wait to only obligate myself to just my womanly duties, although I have proven strong enough to almost completely handle both roles, I would love a break, I AM TIRED. Regardless, I will never beg a man to do what he was indeed created to do. If more men assumed their Godly given roles, there would be far less need for women to become forced to carry the burden of it all. Which would in turn lessen the “I don’t need man attitude” that a lot of women have adopted that has the power to intimidate, turn off and confused any weak, insecure or man of shaky right standing leaving him with no idea or resolve of how to handle them. A real man can recognize, understand and love that unnatural adaption completely away. Cowards run at the sight of it. There is a solution to all of these shenanigans, one name, and one book. “But who am I to tell anyone, I’m telling ya” (Troy, Mars). However, until then, I have a ladder, staple gun (to say the least) tool box (to say the least), electrical tape, super glue, toilet plunger, my brain and Jesus. Relying on the ways of the world has gotten us HERE. We are going in the WRONG direction, and to be lost is a choice when we refuse to follow the map to lead us back THERE. #KINGDOM

Nika J.

I encourage your opinions, comments, revelations, debates, more blog topics and added facts. However, to the few haters already on my radar, you know who you are, and if you pretend not to, I pray that the lord beams you with Holy Ghost as a spirit of warning, because I will call you out. That’s just how I feel and no I’m not sorry. Now let’s go! Speak, share and hashtag #teamgetitdone #Shutupandcutthegrasstho #MalevsFemaleroles #Realmenstandup #Realwomenstandup #whatNikaJhastosay


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